I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
