Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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