did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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