I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize