I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
