Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
