I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
