He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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