dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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