Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
