some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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