I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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