dude i'm inner monologue high
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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