I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
