It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
