Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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