so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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