My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
