There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
