i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think my fart just growled at me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
