ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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