i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
