no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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