Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
