At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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