Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
