I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
