we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Someone signed my nipple.
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