thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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