Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
