I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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