she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
