Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
