I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
