apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
