There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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