That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
