i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
