that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
