whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
