i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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