hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
