I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
birth control should be required to get into college
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
