What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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