how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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