My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
