Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We left the knife in your bed.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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