I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
