we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
