Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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