I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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