I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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