dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
