please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
