Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
