I didn't shave. On purpose
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
