hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
