Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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