i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
