Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
