Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
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Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
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i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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