literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
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I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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