wakey wakey hands off snakey
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i think i just lost a toe
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
