I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
