you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
