At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
