I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
