apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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