Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
