Soap is not a condiment
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
