I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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