he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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