the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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